Grieving someone: where can I talk about it?

By the Ember team · Published November 10, 2026 · 7 min read

After someone dies, people ask how you're doing for a few weeks. Then the asking stops, and the grief doesn't. The birthday comes, the holiday, the small thing in the house they used to handle, and nobody expects you to bring it up.

There are places to say it. They differ a lot in what they ask of you: a set time, a fee, a group, a public post, or none of those.

Here are the main options, and what each one is good for.

Talk it out on Ember

Friends and family

The people who knew them are usually the first place. They may also be grieving themselves, or have moved on sooner than you.

On Ember, people who lost someone close have said what that was like. These are from two lights, as they read when this was written; the answers are rewritten as people come and go.

• At Grieving the death of someone close, 35 people had stood. Almost everyone there was stuck on being alone with it: surrounded by people who had moved on, or who never asked, so the loss stayed unsaid. What made the days hardest, for more than one of them, wasn't the work itself but the people around them acting as though the loss had a shelf life.
• At Grieving the loss of someone close, also 35 people had stood. Among those carrying more than one loss, what seemed to separate the ones with some footing was having at least one person who could hear about the dead without being burdened by it. Some found footing by deciding to let people in for the hard days, rather than facing anniversaries alone.

Good for: people who knew them, and can be there in person. What it asks: saying it to people who may be grieving too, and saying it again after they've stopped asking.

A hospice grief group

Hospices don't only help the families of their own patients. Medicare-certified hospices must make bereavement support available to a patient's family for up to a year after the death, and many hospices run grief groups open to anyone in the community, usually free, whether or not the person who died was in their care. Call the hospice nearest you and ask about its bereavement program.

Good for: a group close to home, led by people who work with grief. What it asks: a set time, and speaking in front of others. What's offered varies by hospice.

Grief support groups

• GriefShare runs 13-week groups hosted by local churches, built around a video and a discussion each week; many meet online. It is Christian, and some groups charge a small fee for the workbook.
• The Compassionate Friends is for families after the death of a child, at any age and from any cause: parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. Its local chapters are free and peer-led, and it has online groups too.

Good for: the same people, week after week, who are in it too. What it asks: showing up at a set time. GriefShare is faith-based.

A counselor

A counselor gives you a confidential hour that's only about you. To find one:

• Psychology Today's directory lets you search by location, insurance and specialty, including grief. It also lists therapist-led support groups.
• Open Path Collective is a nonprofit network of therapists offering reduced rates to people in financial need. When this was written, individual sessions cost $40–70, plus a one-time membership fee.

Good for: working through it with someone trained, week after week. What it asks: an appointment, the cost, and usually a few sessions before it feels useful.

Online communities and forums

Reddit and other forums have active grief communities, including ones for losing a parent, a partner or a child.

Good for: reading many people's experiences quickly, at any hour. What it asks: writing a post others can read, even under a username. A post captures one moment, and you rarely learn how things went for the person later.

Warmlines and peer listeners

A warmline is a peer-run phone line for when you want to talk to someone but it isn't an emergency. You can look up lines by state at warmline.org. Services like 7 Cups connect you by chat with trained volunteer listeners; we wrote an honest comparison, Ember vs 7 Cups.

Good for: a real person to talk to today. What it asks: a call or a chat, and hours vary. The person may not have lost anyone like you have.

Ember

Ember is a private conversation with an AI informed by people who've been there. You talk by voice or text: on the web, in the iOS and Android app, or by text message or phone call. Behind the conversation is what people who lost someone went through, what they tried, and what happened next. So Ember can tell you how it went for people who stood where you're standing. It won't tell you how to grieve, or how long it should take.

Each situation people keep coming back to has a light, where you can read what the people there asked. At Grieving the death of a mother, 42 people had stood when this was written. Asked whether it's wrong not to be able to cry, or to talk about it, what came back was that for many of them the silence was a learned way of managing other people's moods, or of protecting against a repeat of past trauma. The ones who moved through it used physical markers, words spoken to the person who died, or a steady companion to carry what they couldn't say aloud.

When someone's story could help you, Ember asks that teller once; only with their yes can you read it, under a nickname, and leave a note back. And when you're ready, you might meet people who get you. More on talking about grief privately on Ember.

Good for: the parts you've stopped saying to the people around you, at any hour, including the nights. What it asks: nothing public. Nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is an AI, not a person, and it isn't therapy or an emergency service.

How to choose

• You want people who knew them: friends and family, and one person who can hear about them without it weighing on them.
• You want a group close to home: a hospice grief group.
• You want a set program, week after week: GriefShare, or The Compassionate Friends if it was your child who died.
• You want to work through it with someone trained: a counselor.
• You want to read many experiences: a forum.
• You want to talk to a person today: a warmline or a peer listener.
• It comes back at odd hours, and you want to know how it went for others: Ember.

Many people use more than one. Saying it privately first can make it easier to say it to the people around you.

When you need more than a place to think

None of these is an emergency service. If grief has turned into despair, or you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Frequently asked questions

Where can I talk about my grief?
Friends and family first, if you can. Beyond that: a hospice grief group (many are open to anyone and free), GriefShare, The Compassionate Friends if your child died, a counselor (Psychology Today's directory, or Open Path Collective for lower rates), forums, warmlines and peer listeners. Ember gives you a private conversation informed by how it went for people who lost someone too.

What if everyone around me has moved on?
At this light on Ember, almost everyone was stuck on exactly that: surrounded by people who had moved on or never asked, so the loss stayed unsaid. For several, the hardest part of the day was people acting as though the loss had a shelf life. More in how people keep going after someone close dies.

Is it normal not to be able to cry?
At Grieving the death of a mother, many said the silence was a learned way of managing other people's moods, or of protecting against a repeat of past trauma. Those who moved through it used physical markers, words spoken to the person who died, or a steady companion. More in grieving the loss of a mother.

What is Ember?
Ember is an AI you can talk to about what's on your mind, any hour, by voice or text. It listens, remembers what you said, and knows how things went for people who stood where you're standing — what they tried, and what happened after. It won't tell you what to do.

Is Ember private, and does it cost anything?
Ember is private: nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is in beta, and we’re starting to test subscriptions with some new accounts. Most accounts aren’t asked to subscribe. If yours is, you’ll see it up front — $9.99 a month after a free trial, and nothing is charged unless you choose to subscribe. Ember is for adults 18+.

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Grief doesn't have a shelf life. You can still say it.

Talk it out on Ember · Read what people who lost someone asked
Pause or stop anytime · 18+ · Nothing you tell becomes a public post.