My pet died: who can I talk to?

By the Ember team · Published November 11, 2026 · 8 min read

Your dog or your cat, the animal who shared your days, has died, or you had to decide to put them to sleep. The house is quiet in a way it hasn't been for years. A few people are kind about it. Others say it was only a pet, or ask when you'll get another one, so you stop bringing it up, and part of you wonders whether it's silly to hurt this much.

There are places to say it. They differ a lot in what they ask of you: a set time, a fee, a group, a public post, or none of those.

Here are the main options, and what each one is good for.

Talk it out on Ember

Friends and family who knew them

The people who knew your animal are usually the first place. Someone who loved the same animal may be grieving too, and may be the very person you're holding it together for.

On Ember, people whose animal died have said what that was like. This is from one light, as it read when this was written; the answers are rewritten as people come and go.

At Grieving the death of a beloved pet, 12 people had stood. The usual shape there was staying composed in company and crying only when no one was around, out of a real fear of adding weight to someone already struggling. The ones who tried hardest to spare others ended up carrying the grief alone, and that became a problem of its own. What brought some relief was the opposite: crying openly with family in the first hours, reaching for a hug from someone close, saying it out loud to whoever would listen.

Good for: people who knew your animal, and can be there in person. What it asks: saying it to people who may not see why it hurts this much, or who are hurting too.

Your vet

The clinic that cared for your animal knew them, and may have been with you at the end. The American Veterinary Medical Association says your veterinarian may be able to suggest support groups and hotlines, grief counselors, and others who can help.

Good for: someone who knew your animal, and who may be able to point you to help. What it asks: a phone call, maybe to the place where you said goodbye.

Pet loss support lines

A few veterinary schools run phone lines for people grieving an animal.

• Cornell's Pet Loss Support Hotline, 607-218-7457, is answered by volunteer veterinary students who trained with professional grief counselors. Its hours change with the season and with volunteer availability, so call the line for current hours. You can give just your first name, or say "anonymous".
• Tufts' Pet Loss Support Helpline, 508-839-7966, was staffed 6 to 9 p.m. Eastern, Monday through Thursday, when this was written, with voicemail around the clock; messages are returned at the next shift. It's also there for people who had to give up their animal, or whose animal never came home.

Good for: a person who understands animal loss, on the phone. What it asks: calling during set hours, or leaving a message and waiting. Cornell's line says it isn't a mental health hotline.

Pet loss groups

• Lap of Love, a veterinary hospice and in-home euthanasia service, runs a pet loss support group on Zoom several times a week, led by its pet loss support team. Anyone whose pet has died can come. When this was written, that group was free, and there were also small specialty groups at $25 a session, including one for older adults and retirees and one for cat parents.
• The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement hosts a live group chat room at set times, mostly evenings, Eastern time, with trained volunteers there to support you. When this was written, the sessions were free, with a free account to sign up for first.

Good for: people who know this particular grief, so you don't have to explain why an animal matters this much. What it asks: a set time, and sharing in front of others, on video or in a typed chat.

If you're grieving a person too, where to talk about grief goes through more options.

A counselor

A counselor gives you a confidential hour that's only about you. Some work with grief, and some specifically with pet loss.

• The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement keeps a directory of pet loss counselors and specialists; you can filter it by country, and by who works online.
• Psychology Today's directory lets you search by location, insurance and specialty, including grief.

Good for: working through it with someone trained, week after week. What it asks: an appointment, the cost, and usually a few sessions before it feels useful.

Online communities and forums

Reddit and other forums have communities for people grieving a pet.

Good for: reading many people's stories quickly, at any hour. What it asks: writing a post others can read, even under a username. A post captures one moment, and you rarely learn how things went for the person later.

Ember

Ember is a private conversation with an AI informed by people who've been there. You talk by voice or text: on the web, in the iOS and Android app, or by text message or phone call. Behind the conversation is what people whose animal died went through, what they tried, and what happened next. So Ember can tell you how it went for people who stood where you're standing. It won't tell you whether you're grieving too much, or when it's time for another animal.

Each situation people keep coming back to has a light, where you can read what the people there asked. At Grieving the death of a beloved pet, asked what helped most in the first few days, what came back was letting the crying come when they were alone, then taking breaks from it on purpose. Several found that contact with another living body, being held by family or sought out by an animal, helped more than anything they did in their heads. Almost nobody found that sleep, work or chores carried them; they went through those days numb, or awake at strange hours, and let some things go undone.

When someone's story could help you, Ember asks that teller once; only with their yes can you read it, under a nickname, and leave a note back. And when you're ready, you might meet people who get you. More on talking about a loss privately on Ember.

Good for: the waves that come at ordinary moments, at any hour, and the parts you've stopped saying to the people around you. What it asks: nothing public. Nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is an AI, not a person, and it isn't therapy or an emergency service.

How to choose

• You want people who knew them: family and friends, anyone who loved the same animal.
• You want help finding something nearby: your vet.
• You want a person who understands animal loss, on the phone: a pet loss support line.
• You want others who lost a pet too: Lap of Love's groups or the APLB chat room.
• You want to work through it with someone trained: a counselor who works with pet loss.
• You want to read many stories: a forum.
• It comes back at odd hours, and you want to know how it went for others: Ember.

Many people use more than one. Saying it privately first can make it easier to say it to the people around you. For other situations, all the guides are in one place.

When you need more than a place to think

None of these is an emergency service. If grief has turned into despair, or you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Frequently asked questions

My dog died. Who can I talk to?
Family and friends who knew them first, if you can. Beyond that: your vet, a pet loss support line such as Cornell's or Tufts', Lap of Love's online groups, the APLB chat room, a counselor who works with pet loss, and forums. Ember gives you a private conversation informed by how it went for people whose animal died too.

Are there pet loss hotlines I can call?
Yes. Cornell (607-218-7457) and Tufts (508-839-7966) both run pet loss lines from their veterinary schools. When this was written, Tufts' line was staffed Monday to Thursday evenings, Eastern time; Cornell's hours change with the season. Some lines on older lists have closed, such as Washington State University's in 2019.

What do people do when the grief comes back in waves?
At this light on Ember, people mostly didn't stop the waves; they metered them, letting the crying come when they were alone and pushing the memories back when they needed a few hours of ordinary life. The waves tended to come through ordinary things, not at moments set aside for grieving, which is part of why they couldn't be planned for. The ones still feeling most alone in it were the ones nobody had seen cry. More in grieving the loss of a pet when it feels like too much.

What is Ember?
Ember is an AI you can talk to about what's on your mind, any hour, by voice or text. It listens, remembers what you said, and knows how things went for people who stood where you're standing — what they tried, and what happened after. It won't tell you what to do.

Is Ember private, and does it cost anything?
Ember is private: nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is in beta, and we’re starting to test subscriptions with some new accounts. Most accounts aren’t asked to subscribe. If yours is, you’ll see it up front — $9.99 a month after a free trial, and nothing is charged unless you choose to subscribe. Ember is for adults 18+.

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The house is quiet. You can still talk about them.

Talk it out on Ember · Read what people whose pet died asked
Pause or stop anytime · 18+ · Nothing you tell becomes a public post.