Estranged from my adult child: where can I talk about it?

By the Ember team · Published November 10, 2026 · 7 min read

When your grown child stops speaking to you, it's hard to know who to tell. Friends ask about your kids. Family takes sides, or asks what you did. And often you don't know the reason yourself.

There are places to say it. They differ a lot in what they ask of you: a set time, a fee, a public post, or none of those.

Here are the main options, and what each one is good for.

Talk it out on Ember

People in your own life

A friend, a sibling, a partner: someone who knows you is usually the first place. Some find it easier with someone outside the family, who doesn't know your child.

On Ember, parents in this silence have said what carrying it was like. These are from two lights, as they read when this was written; the answers are rewritten as people come and go.

At Being estranged from an adult child, 18 people had stood. The ones who don't know why they were shut out are left to carry the weight of the silence alone. For some, not knowing the cause means they can't attempt a repair; for others, it turns into constant waiting, or questioning their own character.
At Being estranged from a grandchild, 5 people had stood. The ones who got some relief got it by filling the hours rather than resolving anything: keeping busy with work, or saying the whole thing out loud to someone. Both say the relief is partial, and has to be repeated.

Good for: someone who knows you, in person. What it asks: telling it to people who may also know your child, and may have opinions about it.

Support groups for estranged parents

Psychology Today's group directory lists therapist-led groups, some specifically for parents estranged from adult children, in person and online.
ShareWell hosts online peer groups for estranged parents, live on video, each led by a peer host. When this was written, its free plan included four sessions a month. The groups are peer support, not a way to fix the relationship.
Local groups also turn up on Meetup and in community calendars.

Good for: other parents in the same silence, who won't ask what you did. What it asks: a set time, and speaking in front of others.

A counselor or family therapist

A counselor gives you a confidential hour that's only about you. A family therapist can see you on your own; you don't need your child to agree to come.

Psychology Today's directory lets you search by location, insurance and specialty.
TherapistLocator.net, from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, finds family therapists near you.
Open Path Collective offers reduced rates to people in financial need. When this was written, individual sessions cost $40–70, plus a one-time membership fee.

Psychologist Joshua Coleman's Rules of Estrangement (2021) is written mainly for estranged parents. He argues that parents often have to go first, by acknowledging the child's grievances, which some parents find hard to accept.

Good for: working out what you can and can't do, with someone trained. What it asks: an appointment, the cost, and usually a few sessions.

Online communities and forums

Forums let you read many people's stories at once. If you go looking, know that some of the busiest estrangement forums, like Reddit's r/EstrangedAdultKids, are for adult children who chose to cut contact with a parent, not for parents.

Good for: reading many experiences quickly, at any hour. What it asks: writing a post others can read, even under a username. And the forum you find may be written from your child's side.

Warmlines and peer listeners

A warmline is a peer-run phone line for when you want to talk to someone but it isn't an emergency. You can look up lines by state at warmline.org. Services like 7 Cups connect you by chat with trained volunteer listeners; we wrote an honest comparison, Ember vs 7 Cups.

Good for: a real person to talk to today. What it asks: a call or a chat, and hours vary. The person may know little about estrangement.

Ember

Ember is a private conversation with an AI informed by people who've been there. You talk by voice or text: on the web, in the iOS and Android app, or by text message or phone call. Behind the conversation is what other parents in this silence went through, what they tried, and what happened next. So Ember can tell you how it went for people who stood where you're standing. It won't tell you whether to reach out again, or what to write.

Each situation people keep coming back to has a light, where you can read what the people there asked. At Being estranged from an adult child, asked how to keep reaching out without pushing their child further away, what came back was that people kept reaching in small, low-cost ways: a wave, a text, a question about the grandchildren. The larger asks, the ones that named the hurt or proposed sitting down together to sort it out, were the ones that met refusal or resentment. Nobody there has reported that a particular way of asking brought their child back.

When someone's story could help you, Ember asks that teller once; only with their yes can you read it, under a nickname, and leave a note back. And when you're ready, you might meet people who get you. More on talking about your grown children privately on Ember.

Good for: the parts you've stopped saying to the people around you, at any hour. What it asks: nothing public. Nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is an AI, not a person, and it isn't therapy or an emergency service.

How to choose

You want someone who knows you, in person: a friend or relative, ideally one outside the conflict.
You want other parents who understand: an estranged parents' group.
You want to work out what to do, with someone trained: a counselor or family therapist.
You want to read many experiences: a forum, knowing whose side it's written from.
You want to talk to a person today: a warmline or a peer listener.
You keep coming back to it, and want to know how it went for other parents: Ember.

Many people use more than one. Saying it privately first can make it easier to say it to the people around you.

When you need more than a place to think

None of these is an emergency service. If the silence is wearing on your sleep or your health, tell your doctor. If it has turned into despair, or you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Frequently asked questions

Where can I talk about being estranged from my adult child?
A friend or relative outside the conflict, if you have one. Beyond that: a support group for estranged parents (Psychology Today's group directory, ShareWell's online peer groups), a counselor or family therapist, forums, warmlines and peer listeners. Ember gives you a private conversation informed by how it went for other parents in this silence.

Is there a support group for parents estranged from adult children?
Yes. Psychology Today's group directory lists therapist-led groups for estranged parents, in person and online, and ShareWell runs online peer groups led by a peer host; when this was written, its free plan included four sessions a month. Local groups also turn up on Meetup.

Should I keep reaching out to my estranged child?
Nobody at this light on Ember can answer that for you. The people there who kept reaching did it in small, low-cost ways; the larger asks, naming the hurt or proposing to sit down and sort it out, met refusal or resentment. Some found a different kind of footing by accepting the relationship they actually have. More in estranged from your adult child, and never told why.

What is Ember?
Ember is an AI you can talk to about what's on your mind, any hour, by voice or text. It listens, remembers what you said, and knows how things went for people who stood where you're standing — what they tried, and what happened after. It won't tell you what to do.

Is Ember private, and does it cost anything?
Ember is private: nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is in beta, and we’re starting to test subscriptions with some new accounts. Most accounts aren’t asked to subscribe. If yours is, you’ll see it up front — $9.99 a month after a free trial, and nothing is charged unless you choose to subscribe. Ember is for adults 18+.

You don't have to know the reason to be allowed to say it.

Talk it out on Ember · Read what parents of grown children asked
Pause or stop anytime · 18+ · Nothing you tell becomes a public post.