My husband and I have been married for twelve years, and our relationship was still good. Two years ago, trying to break through the boredom of marriage, we agreed to enter an ethically non-monogamous relationship. We made detailed rules: no bringing anyone home, no talking about feelings, only sex.
Six months ago, one of his regular partners unexpectedly became pregnant. She decided to have the child independently, according to her own beliefs and life choices. The child will carry my husband's genes, and I have to face the fact that our marriage has been permanently entered by an outside life.
We did not betray the contract we made with each other. That is part of what makes this so difficult. Nothing technically happened outside our rules, but my whole world still collapsed. The roof we share no longer feels like shelter from what exists beyond our marriage; it feels like I am living beside a future I never agreed to, but cannot make disappear.
My husband and I have been married for twelve years, and our relationship was still good. Two years ago, trying to break through the boredom of marriage, we agreed to enter an ethically non-monogamous relationship. We made detailed rules: no bringing anyone home, no talking about feelings, only sex.
Six months ago, one of his regular partners unexpectedly became pregnant. She decided to have the child independently, according to her own beliefs and life choices. The child will carry my husband's genes, and I have to face the fact that our marriage has been permanently entered by an outside life.
We did not betray the contract we made with each other. That is part of what makes this so difficult. Nothing technically happened outside our rules, but my whole world still collapsed. The roof we share no longer feels like shelter from what exists beyond our marriage; it feels like I am living beside a future I never agreed to, but cannot make disappear.
