Living with chronic pain: who can I talk to?

By the Ember team · Published November 14, 2026 · 8 min read

The pain doesn't come and go anymore. It's part of every day, and so is the work around it: the appointments, the referrals, the calls about coverage, the waiting to hear back. People ask how you're doing, and the honest answer is long, tiring, and the same as last time. So you say "fine."

There are places to say it. They differ a lot in what they ask of you: a set time, a fee, a group, a public post, or none of those.

Here are the main options, and what each one is good for. This isn't medical advice. It's about places to talk about what living with it is like.

Talk it out on Ember

Friends and family

The people around you are usually the first place. They may not know what to say when nothing has changed.

On Ember, people living with pain, illness or physical limits have said what their days are like. These are from two lights, as they read when this was written; the answers are rewritten as people come and go.

• At Living with chronic illness and persistent pain, 26 people had stood. For the people there, the pain had mostly narrowed the day rather than ended it: moving itself became the thing that cost, so activity got rationed, and whole stretches of time went to lying down or resting through it. Almost everyone there also carried a second daily load, the hours and years spent chasing appointments, referrals and coverage, and it wore them down in a way separate from the pain itself.
• At Unable to manage everyday tasks because of physical limitations, 7 people had stood. For them, keeping up a home and their own basic care, such as cooking and laundry, became the heaviest burdens when the body failed.

Good for: people who know you, and can be there in person. What it asks: saying it again when nothing has changed, to people who may not know what to say.

Chronic pain support groups

• Pain Connection, the U.S. Pain Foundation's peer support program, runs its groups online over Zoom: groups by state, national and daily groups, and groups for particular people, such as caregivers and veterans. The leaders have lived with pain themselves and are trained to lead groups. Its site says the discussions are confidential, and that you can lie down during a group. You register first.
• The American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA) lists peer groups by town. Its groups welcome anyone living with an ongoing pain problem and are run by the members themselves. They don't focus on symptoms or offer treatment; they're for sharing what people have learned. You need to be an ACPA member to join a group.

Good for: people who live with pain too. What it asks: registering, and a set time. ACPA groups also ask you to become a member.

A group for your condition

If your pain comes with a named condition, that condition's own organization may run groups. MedlinePlus, the National Library of Medicine's health site, notes that many organizations and hospitals run support groups, and suggests asking your health care provider how to find one.

For arthritis, the Arthritis Foundation's Live Yes! Connect Groups are peer-led groups for adults with any type of arthritis or rheumatic condition, and for parents of children with juvenile arthritis. They're led by volunteers, and you can connect virtually, or in person in some cases.

Good for: people who know your condition from the inside. What it asks: finding the right organization, and a set time. What's offered varies by condition and place.

A counselor

A counselor gives you a confidential hour that's only about you. To find one:

• Psychology Today's directory lets you search by location, insurance and specialty, including chronic illness and chronic pain. It also lists chronic pain support groups near you.
• Open Path Collective is a nonprofit network of therapists offering sliding-scale rates to people in financial need. When this was written, individual sessions cost $40–70, plus a one-time membership fee.

Good for: working through it with someone trained, week after week. What it asks: an appointment, the cost, and usually a few sessions before it feels useful.

Online communities and forums

Reddit and other forums have communities for people living with chronic pain and chronic illness.

Good for: reading many people's experiences quickly, at any hour. What it asks: writing a post others can read, even under a username. A post captures one moment, and you rarely learn how things went for the person later.

Warmlines and peer listeners

A warmline is a peer-run phone line for when you want to talk to someone but it isn't an emergency. You can look up lines by state at warmline.org. Services like 7 Cups connect you by chat with trained volunteer listeners; we wrote an honest comparison, Ember vs 7 Cups.

Good for: a real person to talk to today. What it asks: a call or a chat, and hours vary. The person may not live with pain.

Ember

Ember is a private conversation with an AI informed by people who've been there. You talk by voice or text: on the web, in the iOS and Android app, or by text message or phone call. Behind the conversation is what people living with chronic pain and illness went through, what they tried, and what happened next. So Ember can tell you how it went for people who stood where you're standing. It won't tell you how to manage your pain, or whether to keep pushing for care.

Each situation people keep coming back to has a light, where you can read what the people there asked. At Living with chronic illness and persistent pain, asked how people decided when to keep fighting for care, what came back was that mostly they didn't decide it once. They kept arriving at the same fork each time a new symptom or a new denial showed up, and what tipped them was usually how much energy was left rather than how bad the pain was. The ones who kept pushing tended to change who they were pushing on rather than push harder on the same person, and that cost months of waiting with nothing decided. Several held both at once: still looking for the next referral, and in the meantime putting their energy into something that reached them that day, like warmth, music, their hands, a dog.

When someone's story could help you, Ember asks that teller once; only with their yes can you read it, under a nickname, and leave a note back. And when you're ready, you might meet people who get you. More on texting or calling Ember from your phone.

Good for: the long answer you don't give when people ask how you are, at any hour, by voice if typing is too much. What it asks: nothing public. Nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is an AI, not a person, and it isn't therapy or an emergency service.

How to choose

• You want people who know you: family, or a friend you trust.
• You want people who live with pain too: Pain Connection or an ACPA group.
• Your pain comes with a named condition: that condition's organization, such as the Arthritis Foundation.
• You want to work through it with someone trained: a counselor who works with chronic illness or chronic pain.
• You want to read many experiences: a forum.
• You want to talk to a person today: a warmline or a peer listener.
• It's there at night too, and you want to know how it went for others: Ember.

Many people use more than one. Saying it privately first can make it easier to say it to the people around you. If it's exhaustion that rest doesn't fix, see feeling too drained to do anything. If it's someone you love who is ill, see where to talk about a loved one's serious illness. For other situations, all the guides are in one place.

When you need more than a place to think

None of these is an emergency service. If living with it has turned into despair, or you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Frequently asked questions

I live with chronic pain. Who can I talk to?
The main options are the people around you, chronic pain support groups like Pain Connection and the ACPA, groups run by the organization for your condition, a counselor, forums, and warmlines or peer listeners. Ember gives you a private conversation informed by how it went for people living with pain too.

What keeps people going when they're worn out?
At this light on Ember, what mostly kept people going was something small and in their own hands: a ritual that eased things for an hour, a piece of ongoing work their hands could still do, or a living creature whose needs pulled them through the day. The other thing that moved people was changing who they were dealing with rather than what was wrong with them. That took real effort, and sometimes just put them back in waiting again. More in living with chronic pain and illness when you're worn out.

Can I join a chronic pain support group without a diagnosis?
Pain Connection says its national and daily groups are available to anyone with chronic pain. The ACPA says its groups welcome anyone living with an ongoing pain problem, once you're a member.

What is Ember?
Ember is an AI you can talk to about what's on your mind, any hour, by voice or text. It listens, remembers what you said, and knows how things went for people who stood where you're standing — what they tried, and what happened after. It won't tell you what to do.

Is Ember private, and does it cost anything?
Ember is private: nothing you tell becomes a public post, and no one can read your Ember unless you separately say yes. Ember is in beta, and we’re starting to test subscriptions with some new accounts. Most accounts aren’t asked to subscribe. If yours is, you’ll see it up front — $9.99 a month after a free trial, and nothing is charged unless you choose to subscribe. Ember is for adults 18+.

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The honest answer is long, and it hasn't changed. You can still say it.

Talk it out on Ember · Read what people living with chronic pain asked
Pause or stop anytime · 18+ · Nothing you tell becomes a public post.