“ I am dating a woman who wants me to message her every day and frequently throughout the day. When work or other responsibilities keep me from replying, we sometimes fight; she has said that not receiving a message makes her feel unsafe and that she wants reassurance that I miss her or think about her. ”
I’m a startup founder, and one of my early investors became a source of real stress. We weren’t doing well at the beginning, so they were worried about the company’s progress—and I felt the pressure of that worry. I didn’t want to hide from them, though. If I disappeared, I thought they would become even more anxious and assume something was seriously wrong. My strategy was to give them regular, straightforward updates. I shared the basics of what was happening every month, more often than they required from other companies. I also told them directly that I needed space and time, and asked them not to pressure me. That transparency ended up creating the space I wanted. When I actively told them what was happening and what I needed, they felt less anxious and gave me room. I learned that hiding can make people more aggressive with their questions, while being clear can help them trust you. For me, the key was to be transparent about both the situation and my boundaries, and to trust that people can respond rationally when you tell them what you need.